A Long Lost Aventure
by Tito
Summary: A long story about a girl who gets lost in a Pokeworld with her friends, and tries to get home! Wizard of Oz parodying later on.
1. Chapter One- The Sleepover

[Jade, Nancy, and Celie were having their weekly Super-Duper Pokemon Sleep Over Party.]  
  
Jade: Oh, you guys! You will NEVER guess what Heather Maul told me last night.  
  
Celie: Omigod, what, Jade?  
  
Jade: She said that Pokemon... [she takes a deep breath]  
  
Nancy: It's ok, Jade. Just let it out.  
  
Jade: She told me... Pokemon... they, you know...  
  
Celie: They what?  
  
Jade: They- SUCK!  
  
Celie and Nancy: Oh wow... oh my God. Oh shiznitch! etc.  
  
Jade: I know. It was unbelievable. I thought she was my friend!  
  
Celie: So, what did you do?  
  
Jade: What else COULD I do? I snapped her neck.  
  
Nancy: Serves her right.  
  
Jades Mom, Sue: Ok, girlish figures! Time for beddy-bye!  
  
Jade: But MOOOOOOM...  
  
Sue: DON'T argue with me, or else you won't get your Holographic Charizard back!  
  
Jade: Ugh! Mom!  
  
Sue: Nighty-night! [leaves]  
  
Nancy: What a beast.  
  
Celie: a TOTAL beast. Why did she take your holographic Charizard away?  
  
Oh, [sarcastic voice] I killed Heather... Psh!  
  
Nancy: Geez, she's strict- but get this. My parents took my AOL and Phone away for calling some guy in Washington. Go figure!  
  
Jade: Omigod! That was, like, SO totally out of line of them!  
  
Nancy: Oh, like, tell me about it!  
  
Celie: Well, Pokegirls, I think we better get to bed.   
  
Jade: Frick that. Let's run away.  
  
Nancy: Oh, all right.  
  
[Scene: Nancy, Jade, and Celie are standing on a bus corner in their night attire]  
  
Nun: Oh, may God bless your souls [she rolls her eyes]  
  
Celie: What's her deal?  
  
Man: Hey you three... how much you charge?  
  
Nancy: Isn't a ride a dollar?  
  
Celie: [nudges Nancy in the side] Nancy.. I DON'T think he's a bus driver.  
  
Jade: Um, your nun friend went that way, I believe, Mr. Priest.  
  
Man: [grabs his crotch and yanks it] Oh I've got a nun for you right here!  
  
Nancy: But that's impossible! That one had to be at least 5 feet tall!  
  
Man: Well, then... I've got something for you that's at least 5 inches tall!  
  
Nancy: I don't think nuns can be 5 inches tall, sir.  
  
Celie: [whacks Nancy on the head] Will you shut your mouth? Look! Here comes the bus!  
  
Jade: Come on, Pokegirls!  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two- Making Friends

[after a long bus drive, with uncalculated hours seeing that they all slept like fat lazy whores the whole way, they arrive to some place]  
  
Nancy: Hey, Pokegirls! Let's get off here!  
  
Jade: Wuh? [wipes the spit that her face seems to be covered in]  
  
Celie: Uhh! I don't want to get off here!   
  
Jade: Nancy! Why are you wearing a clear thong?  
  
Celie: And why is it full of blood and a mushy maxi pad?  
  
Nancy: It's all in good fun, girls. You'll learn someday.  
  
Bus Driver: Please get off the bus now... you're dripping blood and uterus lining all over the floor of the bus. [They get off the bus]  
  
Jade: Ha ha! We all got out of paying, and it's all because of Nancy's bloody crotch!  
  
Nancy: Actually, during the night I took all of our money and put it in the bus box. I was bored and so-  
  
Jade: Why you little! [begins to choke Nancy and Nancy's head swells up with blood and her crotch dries up]  
  
Celie: Now we're gonna die! Let's ask those kids for some money.  
  
Jade: Okayzils! [she wobbles over to 3 children and starts jabbing the young boy with a tampon] You's best gives us alls ya gots!  
  
Boy: Ohh! hooo!!! Please! Stop it!  
  
Girl: We have no money! Honest!  
  
Boy: Sttooop! Pikachu, thundershock!  
  
All 3 Girls: What the... [they scream as they get shocked] ..HH!  
  
Boy: HaHa! Good Pikachu!   
  
Celie: What the hell is that thing, and why did we get severely shocked and we didn't even pass out or anything?   
  
Boy: [shrug] My name's Ash.  
  
Girl: I'm Misty!  
  
Nancy: My name's Nancy!  
  
Misty: Do you, like... wanna borrow a pad or something?  
  
Nancy: Yes! As a matter of fact, I DO want to borrow a pad!  
  
Misty: Brock, give her one of your pads.  
  
Brock: Here.  
  
Misty: Strange.. usually Brock gets all worked up around such attractive- Ooohh! Nevermind.  
  
Celie: [tilts her head]  
  
Jade: [drools]  
  
Nancy: [blood drips from her thong as she scratches it]  
  
Ash: Do you guys want to join us on our journey?  
  
Jade: And what journey might this be?  
  
Misty: It's our Pokemon Journey!  
  
Nancy: A Pokehomosexualwhat?  
  
Ash: We travel around this world and look for strange and rare Pokemon, and we catch them with Pokeballs.  
  
Jade: I still don't get it...  
  
Ash: You have never heard of Pokemon?  
  
Celie: [tilts her head]  
  
Jade: [drools]  
  
Nancy: [licks her privates clean] (with a full mouth) It tastes like chocolate!  
  
Pikachu: [SPEW! Pikachu slaps Nancy]  
  
Nancy: [weeps]  
  
Ash: A Pokemon is a creature that is like an animal, whatever that is, but it's fake and you catch then by throwing heavy balls at them with great force. It's suggested you make them pass out with severe pain before hand. It's just silly not to!  
  
Jade: Well, duh.  
  
Celie: We'll join! We are HUGE Pokemon fans, but for some reason we've never heard of you guys, Pikachu, Pokeballs, and whatnot.  
  
Misty: Exactly how long have you been Pokemon fans?  
  
Celie: Since just last night! We were gonna study them for our sleepover with lots of pillow fights in our underwear, but we had to run away instead.  
  
Nancy: And so here we are!  
  
Ash: Great! Grahmjo City is right over that hill!  
  
Jade: But right over that hill is at least 50 miles...  
  
Ash: I don't care! I need that badge! Come on, you guys!  
  
Celie: Oh fine. We just better go, girls. We have nothing better to do.  
  
Jade: Hey, Ash! Can we catch some Pokemon along the way?  
  
Ash: You're gonna need to find some Pokeballs, then. And since the next city is 50 miles away...  
  
Jade: Let me use your Pokeballs!  
  
Ash: I have none...  
  
Jade: Then what's that right there?  
  
Ash: That's Pikachu's ball!  
  
Jade: But Pikachu is right there! He's never in his ball!  
  
Ash: Well it's still his ball!  
  
Jade: Well you have some in your bag right there!  
  
Ash: I don't care! There mine!  
  
Jade: It's They're, Ash!   
  
Ash: I don't care!  
  
Jade: I do!  
  
Ash: I hate you!  
  
Jade: I hate you more then you hate me!  
  
Ash: I hate you more than you can ever hate me!  
  
Jade: I hate you more than that times infinity and there is no possible way to go higher so there!  
  
Ash: Pikachu! Thundershock!  
  
Pikachu: Piiika! [he does a thundershock]  
  
Jade: [as she's being shocked, she slowly raises her middle finger at Ash]  
  
Misty: What a Bitch.   
  
Ash: I know! Pikachu, Stop! Come on, you... people.  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three- Victory

[Ash, Misty, Jade, Celie, Nancy, and Pikachu are walking through a forest on their way to Grahmjo City. Brock got lost along the way]  
  
Nancy: What's that?  
  
Ash: It appears to be a rattling bush.  
  
Nancy: A.. Well! Yeah! Oh! DUH! Of course it's a bush! I mean what's IN it?  
  
Misty: I bet it's a Pokemon.  
  
Nancy: I bet it's your fat ass.  
  
Celie: ROAAR! [she runs to the bush and jumps as a Caterpie jumps out and attacks her] AHHHH!!! THERE IS A GREEN THING ON ME!! HELP!  
  
Jade: Eww. That's gross looking.  
  
Ash: Um, Jade. If you want to... [he offers a pokeball] go ahead and catch it.  
  
Jade: No thank you! I'll do this my way. [she walks up to the Caterpie and kicks it against a tree. She then kicks it more and more until it's nothing but a splotch of goo]  
  
Ash: What did you do?  
  
Jade: I kicked it and it made a mess.  
  
Nancy: [giggles] It looks funny!  
  
Misty Ca-ca-ca [shakes traumatized]  
  
Jade: [snatches pokeball from Ash's hand] Yoinks! I'll use this later.  
  
Celie: Are there any more Pokemon around these parts?  
  
Ash: Do I look like a freakin' Professor Oak to you?  
  
Celie: I don't know. What does one look like?  
  
Jade: Look at that cute one!  
  
Nancy: Oh! That is cute! Catch it!  
  
Ash: Holy Simoleons! That's a Mew!! Let me at it!  
  
Jade: [throws the Pokeball]  
  
Ash: Why did you do that? You KNOW it will never stay in that ball!  
  
Jade: What happens when it stops moving and it darkens?  
  
Ash: WA! [faints]  
  
Misty: What are you going to name it?  
  
Jade: I can name my Pokemon?  
  
Misty: Yeah! You can name them anything you want to!  
  
Jade: And Ash named that one Pikachu?  
  
Misty: No, that one's called a Pikachu. Ash chose not to name it.  
  
Jade: Why?  
  
Misty: I don't know.  
  
Celie: Did you name yours?  
  
Misty: No.  
  
Nancy: Why?  
  
Misty: I dunno.  
  
Nancy: I want a Pokemon.  
  
Celie: Me too.  
  
Misty: Well, we're almost to Grahmjo City, and they'll probably give you some Pokeballs for being a beginner.   
  
Celie: Cool!  
  
Jade: Will they give me some? Even though I did catch a Mew?  
  
Misty: I dunno.  
  
Nancy: You're... dumb.  
  



	4. Chapter Four- Chapter I

[Our 5 friends plus a tagalong Pikachu arrive safely in Grahmjo City. They go to the Pokemon Center]  
  
Nancy: Hi! Is there where me and my 2 friends can register to become Pokemon Trainers?  
  
Nurse Joy: It sure is! Write your name on this list and come right in for our 5 minute lesson!  
  
[5 minutes later]  
  
Nurse Joy: Here you are! Each of you girls gets 5 Pokeballs! The more you fight, the stronger your Pokemon will be. Oh! I forgot! You need a beginner Pokemon! Come with me.  
  
[They walk into a room with lots of gadgets and whatnot]  
  
Celie: Wow! Look at all this! What Pokemon can I choose from?  
  
Nurse Joy: Pick from this selection of 75 Pokemon!  
  
Nancy: 75! Wow!  
  
Jade: Nurse, why don't I see my Pokemon on that list?  
  
Nurse: What Pokemon do you have?  
  
Jade: A Mew.  
  
Nurse: Hohoho! Do you have any idea what a Mew is? It is a highly rare and valued Pokemon! I'm afraid you don't have one of those.  
  
Jade: I don't? Then what's this Pokemon? Go, Pokeball! [she throws her ball and out comes her Mew]  
  
Nurse: My word! Where on earth did you get that?  
  
Jade: Back in the forest over there. [Mew twists and twirls and dances in the air around Jade leaving a sparkling trail]  
  
Nurse: Officer Jenny! You have to come see this! Call in the local Professor!  
  
Jenny: Oh my God! Is that a Mew?  
  
Professor Heride: Little girl! Where did you get that Pokemon?  
  
Jade: In the woods. Back over there.  
  
Professor: May I have your Pokemon for further examining? It will be a much better life for your Pokemon. It would be much happier.   
  
Jade: Ok. Then can I have that red fish one I saw?  
  
Nurse: You want a Seaking?  
  
Jade: No! That one. [points to the chart] Right there!  
  
Nurse: Oh! You want Magikarp? A fine choice!  
  
Celie: I want a Pidgey.  
  
Nancy: I want an Eevee! That looks so cool!  
  
Nurse: 3 Pokemon, coming right up! [giggles] Here you girls are!   
  
Girls: Thanks!  
  
Nancy: I can't wait to use my cool new Eevee!  
  
Celie: I know! This will be fun! Pidgey seems like it should be fun!  
  
Jade: Man! I can't believe I've got myself a Magikarp! This is just the best!  



	5. Chapter Five- The One At Night

[Our friends are sitting in an open secluded area of forest. Ash and Pikachu share a sleeping bag, and they all sleep around a fire. Misty is the last to go to sleep, and just before she does, she brings out her Togepi to sleep by her side.]  
  
[Snoring is heard all about]  
  
Nancy: [waking up] Arf! Celie! Celie! Come with me! I have to pee!  
  
Celie: [checking Nancy's bag] It looks like you already did.  
  
Nancy: Well, then... lets go venture out into the woods for no reason.  
  
Togepi: [off to the side] Togi? [he hops along and follows them]  
  
Nancy: Wow! You can hear the Charizards and other strange Pokemon just all around us!   
  
Celie: I think that's my tummy. Me hun-ry  
  
Nancy: Me too! Lets- an egg!  
  
Celie: That egg is walking!   
  
Nancy: I don't care! I'm gonna eat it!  
  
Celie: No! [gets out a Pokeball] I'm gonna catch it!  
  
Nancy: An egg?  
  
Celie: Nancy! It's OBVIOUSLY a Pokemon.  
  
Nancy: Oh, _obviously_.  
  
Celie: I choose you, Pidgey! Pidgey, use thunderbolt!... well? Pidgey! Thunderbolt!  
  
Nancy: I don't think a bird would know how to do that, Miss Neurosurgeon. Check your PokeDex.  
  
Celie: Pokedex? What's that?  
  
Nancy: A digital encyclopedia that tells you all about Pokemon. Don't you have one?  
  
Celie: No! Where did you get yours?  
  
Nancy: I don't have one.  
  
Celie: Then how do you know what one is?  
  
Nancy: [shrug]  
  
Celie: How do you know we are supposed to have them? How do you know what they do? Nancy?!  
  
Nancy: [yawn] I'm tired. Night!  
  
Celie: Nancy!  
  
Nancy: Yes?  
  
Celie: Good riddens!  
  
Nancy: Thanks. G'night!  
  
Celie: NANCY!!  
  
Nancy: What _do _you want?  
  
Celie: I forgot my Pokemon!  
  
Nancy: Then I suggest you go get them.  
  
Celie: Come with me. NOW.  
  
Nancy: FINE. [she struggles within her sleeping bag]  
  
Celie: What are you doing?  
  
Nancy: I have to put my thong back on!  
  
Celie: [smacks her forehead] Nancy...  
  
[They walk into the forest to find Celie's missing Pidgey]  
  
Celie: There it is!  
  
Nancy: And it's pecking at the egg! It's eating my breakfast!  
  
Celie: Pidgey, return! Did he... kill it?  
  
Nancy: It sure is bleeding a lot.  
  
Celie: Well, then... hmmph. Pokeball, go! It's not doing what Jades did! Hers had the light thing that zapped the-  
  
Nancy: I was there, freak.  
  
Celie: Well PSH!  
  
Nancy: I'm betting it's not working because it's most likely dead.  
  
Celie: What do you want to do with it? Do you want to take it back for the morning?  
  
Nancy: And eat it? What, do you think I'm disgusting? I'm not gonna eat something that's dead! That's just sick!  
  
Celie: Ok. Let's go back.  
  
[they return back to the camp]  
  
Celie: What are you doing?  
  
Nancy: Well you and Jade stole a Pokeball, so I thought I would, too.  
  
Celie: Ok then. Good night!  
  
Nancy: Nighty-night!


	6. Chapter Six- Good Eatin'

[The next morning]  
  
Misty: AHHHHH!!!!!  
  
[everyone wakes up to the scream of Misty]  
  
Ash: Hey, it's morning!  
  
Pikachu: Pikavi! Pikachu!  
  
Misty: M-m-mmmy Togepi!  
  
Jade: What about your Togepi?  
  
Celie: What's a Togepi?  
  
Misty: It was my one and only and favorite and the bestest pokemon EVER!! TOGEPI!!  
  
Nancy: Oh! Is that it over there?  
  
Misty: Where?? Where's my Togepi?  
  
Nancy: Over there... oh, you probably can't tell what it is 'cause it's kind of covered in dirt and pus and blood and guts and yolk and yucky stuff.  
  
Misty: TOGEPI!! All right! Who the hell did this?  
  
Celie/Nancy: She did.   
  
Jade: ME?! But... I didn't d- OGE!  
  
Misty: AAAAH!!!!!!! [she starts beating and kicking Jade]  
  
Celie: Actually, it wasn't Jade at all. It was Nancy.  
  
Nancy: It was Celie!  
  
Ash: Oh boy! How are they gonna get out of this one?  
  
Misty: Oh! Togepi!  
  
Girls: Togepi?  
  
Ash: ...epi?  
  
Misty: Oh Togepi! You're all right! Where have you been?  
  
Nancy: But I thought...  
  
Celie: And I saw...  
  
Jade: What's that bloody massacre over there, then?  
  
Celie: Beats me.  
  
Nancy: [twirls her hair]  
  
Jade: I'm hungry.  
  
All: Me too, yeah, let's eat etc.  
  
[Our friends go to a nearby McDonalds]  
  
Nancy: I think I want a Number... 2.  
  
Ash: Me too.  
  
Celie: I want a number 1. What do you think Jade wants?  
  
Nancy: A Happy meal.   
  
Jade: [running in] You guys! Guess what!  
  
Nancy: What?  
  
Jade: My Magikarp leaned splash!  
  
Celie: That's super! What do you want?  
  
Jade: I want a happy meal! I hope I get one of those mini Meow Chi's! Where's Ash and Misty?  
  
Celie: They went to the bathroom. They are ordering seperate.  
  
[at a table]  
  
Jade: Yes! I got a Meow-Chi! What did you get, Nancy?  
  
Nancy: I didn't get a toy. I got a value meal.  
  
Jade: What about you, Celie? I want to see my Meow-Chi interact with other Pet friends!  
  
Celie: I got a value meal, too, Jade.  
  
Jade: Ash? Misty? Did you get any great toys that we can play with together?  
  
Misty: Nope.  
  
Ash: Nuh uh.  
  
Jade: Man! You guys sure do suck! 


	7. Chapter Seven- IT happened.

[we find our friends playing in a Sex Shoppe, but they quickly leave to go to bed]  
[The next morning, our friends wake up to a hideous monsters that claims his name was Tim]  
  
Nancy: [screams]  
  
Celie: What? [screams]  
  
Jade: Huh? What? [screams]  
  
Ash: Eh? Huh? What? [screams]  
  
Misty: Hmm? [shouts]  
  
Tim: Hi, big guy! [laughs like a fag]  
  
Misty: Ahhh!!!! Hold me, Jade!  
  
Jade: Sure thing, baby! [hugs Misty]  
  
Nancy: O, the horror!  
  
Celie: [runs in circles]  
  
Tim: [kicks a golf ball around and laughs like a fag]  
  
Ash: Now I will attempt to beat you up! [walks towards the fag]  
  
Tim: [laughs like a fag and then faints]  
  
Ash: WA! [faints as white ooze pours from his panty liner]  
  
Nancy: Sperm!  
  
Jade: Like, EW! [sprays with Sperm-B-Gone] Tada!  
  
Celie: But I liked it there!  
  
Nancy: Me too, biznitchlez! [sprays with Sperm-Cum-Back] Yay!  
  
Celie: [leaps]  
  
Jade: [vomits]  
  
Celie: Like that wasn't SO nice.  
  
Nancy: TOTALLY.  
  
Misty: Gnarly!  
  
Nancy: THWACK!  
  
Misty: Hmm?  
  
Voice: It is your, yes YOUR quest, or whatever, to tell me _just _what 'THWACK' means.  
  
Celie: thwack [2] (noun)  
  
First appeared 1587  
  
: a heavy blow : WHACK; also : the sound of or as if of such a blow  
  
Voice: Dumbass! It was the readers quest!  
  
Celie: [cries]  
  
Voice: Cheer up, now.  
  
Celie: Umkay!  
  
[our friends venture off into the woods and then they come to a mysterious town with a purple sky]  
  
Jade: Oh my fricken god!


	8. Chapter Eight- There's Something Around ...

[our friends venture off into the woods and then they come to a mysterious town with a purple sky]  
  
Jade: Oh my fricken god!  
  
Nancy: Oh my fricken what?  
  
Jade: GOD.  
  
Celie: Huh?  
  
Jade: Jesus Christ you guys! God!  
  
Celie: Where?  
  
Jade: Over there.  
  
Nancy: You saw God?  
  
Jade: Yup  
  
Nancy: From whence?!  
  
Jade: [turns into a wench]  
  
Nancy: Look! Celie! She's a wench!  
  
Celie: Well if that isn't the cutest thing I've ever seen.  
  
Jade: [turns into a Magikarp]  
  
Celie: Oh! ew! [kicks]  
  
Jade: [turns into a disgusting looking little lesbian]  
  
Nancy: Aw! She's back to normal!  
  
Jade: I'm not a lesbian!  
  
Misty: But Ash is!  
  
Jade: Oh hot mama! [runs over to Ash] Want to feel my Pokeballs?  
  
Ash: Yes.  
  
Jade: GREAT... well, this one I like to call Magikarp, 'cause it is one, you know? And this one here is empty. So is this one.  
  
Ash: Like, omifuckinggosh! You have 3 Pokeballs?  
  
Jade: Dude! I have 6!  
  
Ash: WA! [faints]  
  
Nancy: Look, homosexuals! I got a new CD!  
  
Misty: Really? What is it!  
  
Nancy: A CD!!!  
  
Celie: Duh, freak. Like, a Compact Disk, you know?  
  
Misty: Oh! [giggles]  
  
Celie: I'd like to go to a whorehouse.  
  
Jade: Why ever would you want to perform such a feat?  
  
Celie: To see if they have a fax machine.  
  
Nancy: Like the French Prostitutes?  
  
Jade: Dude, it's not like they are a company. You don't need to capitalize their name.  
  
[rewind]  
  
Nancy: Like the french prostitutes?  
  
Jade: Yes!  
  
Celie: [smilies politely]  
  
Jade: Cool! [fondles her Meow-Chi]  
  
Nancy: Let's tickle each other!  
  
Celie: Ok!  
  
Misty: I want to be tickled! [lifts up her arms and runs about]  
  
Nancy: Stop it! Someone stop her! Jade! Stop her! She's running about!  
  
Jade: [screams]  
  
Celie: [runs about]  
  
Nancy: She infected Celie!   
  
Jade: Nooo!!!  
  
Ash: [runs around]  
  
Jade: Phew! We were 3 letters away from losing him!  
  
Ash: [runs abound]  
  
Nancy: How freaky!  
  
Ash: [runs abount]  
  
Jade: What's he doing?!  
  
Nancy: It seems as if he's running abount!  
  
Jade: That's not even a word!  
  
Ash: [runs about]  
  
Jade/Nancy: [let out a blood curdling scream and start running about]


	9. Chapter Nine- We're Off To See Tito

[As our friends wake up from passing out, they find themselves in a field of puppies, and hair chunks is falling from the sky]  
  
Nancy: 'fros! 'Fro's woke us up!  
  
Jade: And in a field of puppies, nonetheless!  
  
Celie: Look at my mouth! It seems as if I ate a puppy!   
  
Nancy: You bitch!  
  
Voices: [giggle in high gigglish voices]  
  
Jade: What was that?  
  
Celie: The Fluffkins... that's what they call the puppies arund here. They're laughing because I'M a bitch! They call me Celie, the Bitch of the North!  
  
Jade: But you're from Texas, and they are all in the south... all dirty. I've never heard of a northern Texan before!  
  
Celie: Only bad Texans are dirty. The Fliffkins are happy because you freed them from the Wicked Bitch of the East!  
  
Jade: What state would that be?  
  
Celie: Washington!  
  
Jade: But that's in the west!  
  
Celie: I don't care, freak. It's still Washington.   
  
Stephanie: Freed me from them, you didn't! [cackles]  
  
All: [gasp] The Wicked Bitch of the East!  
  
Celie: Oh no you don't! [smacks Stephanie with her cheap 25 cent wand] Let the joyous news be spread, The Wicked Old Bitch at last is dead!  
  
Stephanie: I'm not dead! [kneels down as a puppy licks her lashing]  
  
Large Dog: [to Jade] As Mayor of the Fluffkin City, In the County of the Land of Pokemon, I welcome you most regally.  
  
Puppy: But we've got to verify it legally, to see  
  
Jade: Oh dear God!  
  
Celie: It's ok! They just like to talk sometimes!  
  
Kristin: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Bitch of the East? Was it you?  
  
Stephanie: I'm not dead!  
  
Jade: Who's that?  
  
Celie: That's the Bitchiest of them all. I suggest you stay clear of her. She's the Wicked Bitch of the West!  
  
Jade: From 'witch' state? [chuckles]  
  
Celie: [whacks Jade with her wand] She's from Washington, too.   
  
Jade: But I thought-  
  
Celie: She's FROM Washington, OKAAY?  
  
Jade: [nods]  
  
Kristin: The slippers! That's what I came for!  
  
Jade: [inspects her feet] Wow! I didn't know I owned a pair of Pikachu slippers!  
  
Celie: It's too late! There they are, and there they'll stay!  
  
Kristin: Give me back my slippers! I'm the only one that knows how to use them. They're of no use to you. Give them back to me. Give them back!   
  
Celie: Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a house on you, too!  
  
Kristin: Very well, I'll bide my time - and as for you, my fine lady. It's true I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way - just try! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!  
  
Jade: I don't have a dog. Actually, at home I do, but you wouldn't want her. She has cysts all over. It's pretty nasty. I do have a flawless Magikarp, though! It's really really cool!   
  
Kristin: All right then! I hope I don't find you, or else I'll have to have too much fun with you! [cackles] Stephanie! Come! [a puff of smoke comes around and they disappear]  
  
Jade: Oh, I'd give anything to get of this Pokemon world altogether, but - which is the way back to Atlas? I can't go the way I came.   
  
Celie: No, that's true. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Tito of Bremerton himself.  
  
Jade: Tito of Bremerton? Is he good or is he wicked?  
  
Celie: Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City and that's a long journey from here.  
  
Jade: The Emerald city... isn't that Seattle? I thought he was the Tito of Bremerton.  
  
Celie: Oh, achike! The Emerald City is where he resides at the time. You must be quick before he heads back to Bremerton, or else you might have to stop by his own house! [shakes disgusted] Did you bring your Nelly Furtado CD with you?  
  
Jade: No, I'm afraid I didn't.  
  
Celie: Then you'll have to find another treasure to get him. The Fluffkins will show you and your friends to the border of Fluffkin land. By golly, where are your friends?  
  
Jade: I don't know. 'Prolly off sleeping somewhere. How do I get to the Emerald City from here?  
  
Celie: Follow the path of the yellow bread road. You'll see that you'll get there from the bread crumbs.  
  
Jade: But it seems-  
  
Celie: Just follow the yellow bread road. [she flies off]  
  
Jade: BUT IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE ATE IT!! My oh my... people come and go so quickly around here! Now, where are those friends of mine?


	10. Chapter Ten- Getting the Gang

[Jade goes down a random path until she find Pikachu and Togepi stuck up a tree.]  
  
Jade: Hey! Where are your owners? Well, that's silly of me. Of course they don't talk. Come, you two. You can help me find my friends.  
  
Person: I know where your friends are!  
  
Jade: Who was that?  
  
Pikachu: Pika pika!! [points to a person in a corn field]  
  
Jade: Pikachu, don't be silly! Ugly bums can't talk!  
  
Person: No! It's me, Nancy!  
  
Jade: Nancy! Where are the rest of you people?  
  
Nancy: Well, Celie flew off somewhere, but I don't know where the others are.  
  
Jade: Weird...  
  
Nancy: While I was waiting for you, I was trying to scare away those Spearow that keep pecking at me. I run and scream at them and they don't stop!  
  
Jade: Ohh! If you even just showed your face in Atlas, birds would be scared to pieces!  
  
Nancy: They would?  
  
Jade: Yes!  
  
Nancy: Where's Atlas?  
  
Jade: That's where I live, in Michigan. And I want to get back there so badly, I'm going all the way to the Emerald City to get Tito of Bremerton to help me.  
  
Nancy: You're going to the Emerald City to see Tito of Bremerton?  
  
Jade: Oh, don't get me started. Theirs logic somewhere in it.  
  
Nancy: Do you think if I went to see Tito, he'd give me some lovin'?  
  
Jade: I couldn't say... but even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now.  
  
Nancy: Yes, that's true.  
  
Jade: But maybe you'd better not. I've got some bitches mad at me, and you might get into trouble.  
  
Nancy: Bitch? Ha! I'm not afraid of any bitch! After all, I have to deal with Celie every day! I'm ammuned to it, practically.  
  
Jade: I don't blame you for that.  
  
Nancy: But I'd face a whole lot of them for a chance to get some of that Tito.. mmm hmm. Look, I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing, and I won't try to manage things, because I'm, well, dumb. Won't you take me with you?  
  
Jade: Of course I will. I was gonna let you anyhow since you've been with me from the start, so...  
  
Nancy: Hooray! We're off the see my lover!  
  
Jade: Oh, well... you're not starting out very well. Don't call him your lover.  
  
Nancy: Oh, I'll try! Really, I will!  
  
Jade: To Seattle?  
  
Nancy: To Seattle!  
  
[Jade and Nancy end up in a field of cow-like Pokemon.]  
  
Jade: Look at all of these cute cow Pokemon!  
  
[the cows suddenly flip up their tails]  
  
Jade: Oh! Assholes! [she sticks her hand in]  
  
Cow: Ouch! What do you think you're doing?  
  
Jade: We've been walking a long way, and I was hungry, and- did you say something?  
  
Cow: Well, how would you like to have someone come along and put their hand inside of you?  
  
Nancy: Well, if it were Tito... [stares blanky into space]  
  
Jade: Oh dear! I keep forgetting I'm not in Atlas.  
  
Nancy: Come along, Jade! You don't want any of THOSE assholes! Hmph!  
  
Cow: Are you implying that my asshole isn't what it ought to be?  
  
Nancy: Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!  
  
Cow: I'm taking medication!  
  
Nancy: Let's get out of here!  
  
Jade: Why, it's a boy! A boy who's awful thin! Is he trying to speak?  
  
Nancy: He looks traumatized. Why, it's Ash!  
  
Jade: Are you trying to speak?  
  
Nancy: Let's try this scolding hot oil!  
  
Ash: OUCH! You bitch!  
  
Nancy: Celie's the bitch!  
  
Ash: Where's my Pikachu?  
  
Jade: Around here somewhere. How did you getlike this?  
  
Ash: Well, about an hour ago, I was chopping that tree whenit suddenly began to rain. I got all wet and my clothes were see through!  
  
Nancy: How dirty!  
  
Ash: And right in the middle of a chop, a man came up to me and raped my from behind!  
  
Jade: Well, that's just perky.  
  
Ash: Perky? Bang on my hooha! Show me that I'M perky. Go on, bang on it!  
  
Nancy: Beautiful! How squishy!  
  
Ash: It's flaccid. The rapist forgot to use a condom.  
  
Jade/Nancy: No condom?!  
  
Ash: No condom. All meaty. [breaks out in song] When a mans thing is-  
  
Jade: That's enough. Are you all right?  
  
Ash: I'm afraid I'm a bit homosexual.  
  
Jade: Oh, dear. That was wonderful! You know, we were just wondering   
why you couldn't come with us to the Emerald City   
to ask Tito of Bremerton for a Playgirl!  
  
Ash: Do you suppose Tito would give me one when we got there?  
  
Jade: Oh, but he will! He must! We've come a long way already.  
  
Kristin: [appearing on top of an old shack] You call that long? Why, you've just begun! Helping the little lady along, are you, my fine specimen? Well, stay away from her!   
or I'll make a bitch out of you! And you! I'll use you for a straight porn site!   
Here, Nancy! Want to play 'Bitch'? [she throws an electronic pocket game to Nancy]  
  
Nancy: Why, thank you! [plays and gets really into it] Oh! Look out! I'm burning! I'm burning! Oh! [the game explodes] I'm not afraid of her! I'll get you safely to Tito now, wether I get my sex or not! Make a bitch out of me! HA!  
  
Ash: And I'll follow along. Playgirl or not, I'll be behind you 100%!  
  
Jade: Oh! You guys are the bestest of friends a gal could ever have! And it's funny.. but I feel like I've known you two for the longest time... but I couldn't have, could I?  
  
Nancy: Umm... you've known me for quite some time, Jade.   
  
Ash: And me for a little shorter time, but all in good fun!  
  
Jade: Well, at least we're together now, and that's the important thing, isn't it?  
  
Nancy: Yes, Miss Corny Jade. Let's go!  
  
Ash: To Seattle?  
  
Nancy: To Seattle!


	11. Chapter Eleven- All Together

[We find our friends walking in a forest at night time.]  
  
Jade: I don't like this forest! It's dark, and it's creepy!  
  
Nancy: Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter!  
  
Jade: D-d-d-d-dddddooo you s-s-s-s-ssssup-p-p-ppose w-w-w-we'll run into some w-w-w-wild animals?  
  
Nancy: We might. Also sick perverted menBR  
  
Jade: Oh... [frowns]  
  
Ash: Men that like it... raw?  
  
Nancy: We might, but mostly Persians and Misty and Persians.  
  
Jade: Persians! [coos]  
  
Ash: And Men?  
  
Nancy: And Misty!  
  
All: Oh my! [they all chant 'Persians and Misty's and Persians, oh my!']  
  
Misty: HUA! Which one of you will battle first? I'll battle all three of you, if you want! I'll fight you with my hands tied behind my back! I'll battle ya standing on one foot! I'll fight you with my eyes closed!... oh, putting that Pikachu on ME, eh? Sneakin' up on me, eh? Why?  
  
Ash: Misty! Join us!  
  
Misty: Scared, huh? AFRAID, eh? How long can you stay fresh and that thin? Come on, let's battle! You shivvering anorexic! Put your hands up, you filthy little girl! You Pikachu-Slippered beast!  
  
Jade: I'm still wearing these? Why, I should put these away. Look what I bought at the PokeMart!  
  
Ash: Wow! Ruby Slippers!  
  
Jade: Yeah! Actually, they are made out of sequins, but oh well!  
  
Nancy: Ash, go over there and get Misty.  
  
Ash: Why can't you go her?  
  
Nancy: You've known her longer! I hardly know her!  
  
Misty: That's ok! I'll pick one of you! [she chases her Togepi around]  
  
Jade: [slaps Misty] Shame on you!  
  
Misty: What did you do that for? I didn't bite 'em!  
  
Jade: No, but you tried to! It's bad enough picking on a gay boy, but when you go around picking onyour own Pokemon!  
  
Misty: Well, you didn't need to go and hit me, did you? I forgot all about you three... and my Togepi! Where's my dear Togepi? Is my nose bleeding?  
  
Jade: Well, of course not.  
  
Misty: [starts bauling]  
  
Jade: What a fuss you're making! Well, naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big Pokemon Nothing!  
  
Misty: You're right, I AM nothing! I've got no good looks at all! I use these tight pants to get Ash in that special mood... but now he's all gay and stuff, and I've got no one to look down on! All of my sisters are all famous and pretty! Look at the bags under my eyes! I haven't slept in days!  
  
Jade: Why don't you try counting that one sheep pokemon! [giggles at the thought of cute sheep]  
  
Misty: That doesn't do any good! I'm a water Pokemon trainer!  
  
Jade: Hmm... do you guys think Tito might be able to help her, too?  
  
Nancy: I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us?  
  
Jade: Yeah! They are getting dirty magazines and sex! I'll sure he can get you some sedatives!  
  
Misty: Well, wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a Pokemon Nothing? I would.  
  
Jade: Aw! No, of course not!  
  
Misty: Well, that's awful nice of you. My life has been simply unbearable!  
  
Jade: Well, it's all right now. Tito will fix everything!  
  
Misty: It's been so long... I've gotta tell you how I feel...  
  
Jade: Some other time. We've got Tito to persue!  
  
[Finally, as a whole group... with the absense of Celie, our friends are finally on the road to the Emerald City.]  
  
Jade: The's Seattle! The Emerald City! Oh, we're almost there at last! He must be some wonderful person to live in a gorgeous city like that!  
  
Misty: Well, come on! What are we waiting for?  
  
Ash: Nothing! Let's skip!  
  
Jade: Okay!... ahh. What's this? I can't run anymore. I'm so.. sleepy. [she falls]  
  
Ash: WA! [faints]  
  
Misty: You guys! Get up! Oh... oh boy. [falls]  
  
Nancy: What's wrong with you people? before I fall I'm gonna go lay down next to... oh! [falls]  
  
[more hair falls from the Sky]  
  
Nancy: [waking up] Oh! It's 'froing again! The Fro's! The glorious Fro's!   
  
Misty: Unusual weather we're having, aint it?  
  
Jade: Let's go! We're almost to the Emerald City!  
  
[they arrive at the door of some tall green building]  
  
Man: Who rang that bell?  
  
Jade: I did!  
  
Man: Can't you read?  
  
Nancy: No.  
  
Jade: Read what?  
  
Man: The notice!  
  
Jade: What notice?  
  
Man: It's on the door as plain as the nose on my face! See?  
  
Jade: Oh! It's carved in... but it's in Japanese!  
  
Man: For heaven sake! it reads 'Bell out of Order. Please knock'  
  
Jade: Oh, for Christ sake! [she kicks the door in]  
  
Man: State your business.   
  
Jade: We want to see Tito.  
  
Man: Tito? The Great and Powerful? Do you have an appointment?  
  
Jade: I'm afraid not.... but the Bitch of the North sent me!  
  
Man: .. of the North? Prove it!  
  
Jade: ... umm... her name is Celie?  
  
Man: So it is! Well, why didn't you say so?! That's a Horsie of a different color! Come on in!


	12. Chapter Twelve- To Seattle!

[Our friends are in the Emerald City. Let's take a look see and see what happens next!]  
  
Cabby: Hey, now! I'll take you anywhere in the city, with the aide of my floating Horsea!  
  
Jade: Joy! We want to see Tito.  
  
Nancy: Yes... I desperately have to 'see' him!   
  
Cabby: Sure! Can I take you to a place so you can tidy up a bit, first?  
  
Jade: Are you saying we're dirty?  
  
Cabby: If you want to put it that way.  
  
Celie: [walks up] Yes, they need to get cleaned up. Look at them! Don't worry, guys. They are just going to perfect you a little. You've just been gone so long that you look so mess-  
  
Jade: What kind of Horsea is that? I've never seen a Horsea like that before!  
  
Cabby: No, and you never will again, I fancy. He's one of a kind, and none other like him. He's the Horsea of a Different Color. You've heard tell about it!  
  
Jade: Ha - ha - ha, Ho - ho - ho - And a couple of tra - tan - tands!  
That's how we laugh the day away, In the Merry Old Seattle Lands!  
Bzz - bzz - bzz, Chirp - chirp - chirp - And a couple of La - da - dands  
That's how the crickets crick all day, In the Merry Old Seattle Lands!  
  
Nancy: That was positively BEAUTIFUL!  
  
Misty: I could have lived without it.  
  
Ash: Hear, hear.  
  
[They get makeovers]  
  
Jade: Look at me! I'm actually... pretty!  
  
Nancy: And I've fullfilled my life long dream of looking like Natalie Portman!  
  
Ash: It's a miracle!  
  
Misty: Look! I look like my sisters!  
  
Jade: Hubba hubba!  
  
Ash: Wow! I just might be turning straight!... oh, no. Look at those palace guards over there. Raar!  
  
Jade: That's quite enough. Oh, my! It's Kristin! She's afloat in the air... suspended on a flying mouse! How quirky!  
  
Ash: That looks like no mouse to me...  
  
Jade: A computer mouse, fool!  
  
Kristin: [writes 'Jade' in the air]  
  
Woman: Jade? Who's Jade? Tito will explain it!  
  
Man: To Tito!  
  
Jade: Whatever shall we do?  
  
Nancy: Well, we better make fast if we're going to see Tito!  
  
Doorman: Hold on, no! Everything is going to be all right! The Great and Powerful has matters well in hand! You can all go home. Go on, go home!  
  
Jade: If you would please, sir. We want to see Tito right away. All... [counts] all four of us!  
  
Door: I beg your pardon? No one sees the Great and Powerful! Not nobody, not nohow!  
  
Jade: But please! It's very important!  
  
Ash: And I got my nails done just for the occasion.  
  
Doorman: Oh, that's enough! Get along, now! especially you, gay boy!  
  
Ash: Say... if you, um, let us in, I'll totally make it worth your while.  
  
Doorman: [smacks Ash]  
  
Ash: I'll call you...  
  
Nancy: Now, Sir! She's Jade!  
  
Doorman: The witches Jade? Well, that makes a difference! I'll make an announcement right now! Wait here!  
  
Jade: Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! I'm going home!  
  
Ash: I can smell the fine paper of those nice boys right now...  
  
Nancy: I can just smell that latex ring right now...  
  
Misty: Oh, and my pills! What a joyous occasion!  
  
Doorman: Go home! Tito wants you to go away! He's... with a client.  
  
Jade: Go away?? Oh, but sir! You must understand...  
  
Doorman: His direct orders! Please.. go away!


	13. Chapter Thirteen- The Bitches Tower

[continued from Chapter 12]  
  
Jade: Oh.. but we came such a long way!  
  
Nancy: All of that for nothing!  
  
Jade: And.. [starts to cry] I had my heart set on going home! To Mother... and... and everyone!   
  
Ash: Don't cry, Jade! We'll get you to Tito! I may be a homosexual, but I know what I'm talking about!  
  
Nancy: Yeah, and I maybe be a homophobe and overly obsessed with Tito, but we'll get to my lover no matter how far we have to go!  
  
Jade: Thanks, you guys. [wipes her snot on her pretty sun dress] My mother was so good to me. I never showed appreciation. Running away and hurting her feelings like that... and she's sick. She may be dying, and it's all my fault. I'll never be able to forgive myself.. never!  
  
Nancy: It is your fault Jade, but please... stop crying.  
  
Doorman:Oh, for heavens sake! Don't cry anymore! I'll get you to the Wizard somehow! Come one... I had a mother myself once!  
  
Misty: Oh... you guys. This is going to be great! I can't wait to get to sleep!  
  
Nancy: Yeah... sleep. In Tito's bed. It'll be wonderful!  
  
[They arrive in the room of Tito's headquarts]  
  
Jade: Wow... he owns the Space Needle? Groovy.  
  
Tito: I am THE Great and Powerful! Who are you? Why have you come here?  
  
Jade: I, if you please, sir... I am Jade. I am small and meek. We've come to ask you-  
  
Tito: SILENCE!  
  
Jade: Oh, jiminy crickets!  
  
Tito: The Great and Powerful knows why you have come. Step forward, Ash.  
  
Ash: Oh boy...[gulp]  
  
Tito: Dareth you come see me in the favor of a dirty magazine? With your thin, gay body... I usually don't work with such people, but for you I'll have an exception. You have been sent me Celie. All of you have, so I will fullfill your wishes. A dirty magazine of men, I have not.  
  
Ash: Oh, that's quite all right. I'll just-  
  
Tito: You, Nancy. You come for a night of sweet love making of me?  
  
Nancy: You betcha!  
  
Tito: Ugh... and you, Misty. You come for sedatives?   
  
Misty: That's right, I have.   
  
Tito: And last... young Jade. Travel all this way in persuit of going home... yet, you all must prove yourself worthy by performing a small tas. Bring me the keyboard of The Wicked Witch of the Wests computer.  
  
Nancy: But we'd have to kill her and pry her cold little fingers off the desk to get her away from her computer!  
  
Jade: Yeah, but that doesn't sound too bad. So, Sir. We accept your quest!   
  
Ash: She might kill us!  
  
Tito: Bring me the keyboard, and I'll grant your requests, now go.  
  
Ash: But.. death!  
  
Tito: GO!  
  
[our friends go on a journey to Kristins lair in Bremerton]  
  
Jade: Gee! The Ferry sure is expensive!  
  
Nancy: For real!  
  
[they get on the ferry]  
  
Nancy: Let's get this seat.   
  
Jade: Ok!   
  
Nancy: Look! It's Celie!  
  
Celie: Hello, my lovelies! Did you see Tito yet?  
  
Nancy: Yes, we did! We have to perform a task.  
  
Celie: A task, eh? What ever do you have to do.  
  
Nancy: We have to get Kristins keyboard from her computer.  
  
Celie: Oh my... come, children. Let me take you to the roof.  
  
[they go to the roof]  
  
Celie: Come, all! Stand right there on the edge.  
  
Jade: Okay!   
  
Celie: Now, Kristin doesn't like the smell of salt water, so this should help... [she pushes them all in the water]  
  
All: [scream and shout]  
  
Celie: Swim! Swim, my lovlies! Swim to Bremerton!  
  
[when Jade, Nancy,and Misty reach the shore, they notice that Ash is not with them]  
  
Jade: Where's Ash?!  
  
Nancy: I bet he died. That water was pretty cold, and he was such a small, gay boy.  
  
Misty: May God have mercy on his soul. Let's find Kristins house!  
  
Jade: How? This city is so big!   
  
Nancy: Maybe that's it.  
  
Jade: How can you tell?  
  
Nancy: Well, it's the only giant castle I see in town.  
  
Jade: Good observation... let's go!  
  
[they all hind behind some shrubs in front of the giant castle.]  
  
Jade: How do you suppose we get past those guards?  
  
Nancy: If only Ash's charm were still with us...  
  
Misty: Aw schucks! What do we need him for? We were beautified, remember? Let's go charm them ourselves!  
  
Nancy: Ok... it's worth a try.  
  
Jade: I have a better idea... come here!  
  
[all three grab a guard from behind the bushes and take their uniforms, and dress up as guards.]  
  
Jade: Psst! And open window! Let's go in!  
  
[they all go in]  
  
Nancy: Good riddens! It's a dog!  
  
Jade: It's Bitsy! She wouldn't hurt us! Come on! Let's take the stairs.  
  
Nancy: Look! I found the computer!... but where's Kristin?  
  
Jade: Look through that window! There's another computer! What do we do?   
  
Nancy: I bet neither of these are the right one. She'd be on it, wouldn't she?  
  
Misty: We should go up further! Come on!   
  
[from behind a wall, whispering]  
  
Jade: There she is! Would you look at that computer? Woowie! It's got to have at least 35 gigabytes, and a DSL modem at the least! How do you reckon we get that keyboard?  
  
Nancy: I don't know. It's going to be tricky, but I know we ca-  
  
Misty: RRRRAAAGH!  
  
Jade: MISTY!  
  
Kristin: What? Guards!  
  
Jade: Oh schiznoodle! Run!  
  
[they all run into a corner]  
  
Jade: The window! GO! [they jump out and are in the forest again]  
  
Kristin: Blazes! What am I to do... ah HA! You, little bird. Hold this monkey and go fly! FLY! FLY! All of you birds. Grab a monkey and Fly! Get me that girl and her Ruby Slippers!  
  
[Back to the Trio]  
  
Jade: Oh my! Flying monkeys!  
  
Nancy: No, those are birds carrying monkeys!  
  
Jade: They've got me! Help! Help!  
  
Misty: JADE!  
  
Nancy: Ah! We've got to find her!  
  
[in Kristins room]  
  
Kristin: What a pleasure to have you join me in my lonliness. Oh? What's this? [she snatches Jades pokeball]  
  
Jade: What are you doing to do with my Magikarp? Give him back to me!  
  
Kristin: All in good time, my pretty. All in good time.  
  
Jade: Oh, please! Give me back my Pokemon!  
  
Kristin: Certainly, certainly... when you give me your Pikachu slippers!  
  
Jade: But the Good Bitch of the North told me not to!  
  
Kristin: Very well! [hands the ball to the guard] Send this Pokemon into the river to drown!  
  
Jade: [unenthusiastic] Oh, please.. no. DON'T drown THAT one. Oh! Fine! Here, take your Pikachu slippers! Just please, give me back Magikarp!  
  
Kristin: Good little girl... [she pulls and tugs at the slippers that Jade put back on her feet a while ago, but they don't budge] Good grief!  
  
Jade: I'm sorry! It's not my fault. Can I still have my pokemon?  
  
Kristin: No! Fool that I am... I should have remembered. These slippers are so tight against your giant feet! They won't come off as long as you're alive!  
  
Guard: Uh... huh doit! [Magikarp comes out of the ball and flies into Jades arms]  
  
Jade: Oh, Magikarp! [she tosses the fish into the moat at the bottom of the castle.] Swim! Swim Magikarp, Swim away!  
  
Kristin: Catch them, you fools!  
  
Jade: Swim! He got away! [sniff] he got away!  
  
Kristin: Which is more than you will! Drat you and your Pokemon! You've been more trouble than you're worth. One way and another, but it'll soon be over now! [she pulls out a Pokeball hour glass] You see this? That's how much longer you've got to be alive! And it isn't long, my pretty. it isn't long. I can't wait forever to get those shoes! [leaves]  
  
Jade: [leans over to the computer monitor, where the keyboard is absent] I'm frightened, I'm frightened, Mommy! I'm frightened!  
  
Mommy: [from the computer monitor] Jade? Jade! Where are you? It's me, your mother! We're trying to find you! Where are you?  
  
Jade: Drat! Where's that microphone! Oh... here it is. I-I'm here, mommy! I'm here in Bremerton! I'm locked in some bitches castle! I'm trying to get home! Oh, mommy! I'm frightened! [mom starts to fuzz out] Don't go away! I'm frightened! Come back! Come back... [Kristins face starts to appear]   
  
Kristin: Mommy! Mommy! Come back, mommy! I'll give you your mommy, my pretty!  
  
[outside]  
  
Nancy: There's Magikarp! Where did he come from?   
  
Misty: More guards! Come! We need to run through!  
  
Nancy: Noo!   
  
Misty: [runs into the guards and they all attack her and she dies]  
  
Nancy: Ah! My perfect oppurtunity to get through! how ironic... two people died in Chapter 13...


	14. Chapter Fourteen- Persuing a Bitch

[Nancy ran through the door as Misty was meating her bloody fate. She ran all the way to the top in her guard uniform. She found a door and started to bang on it.] Jade, are you in there?  
  
Jade: Nancy? Misty? Yes, it's me! help me out! She locked me in!  
  
Nancy: It's me, Nancy! Misty kind of... died. But we've got to get you out of there!   
  
Jade: oh, please hurry! The hour glass is almost empty!  
  
Nancy: Stand back! [she chops down the door and tosses her a Magikarp]  
  
Jade: Oh, Magikarp! Magikarp!  
  
Nancy: Did she hurt you?  
  
Jade: No, I'm all right... just a little intoxicated from these myterious fumes. Come on, let's go!  
  
Kristin: Going so soon?  
  
Nancy: Drat! We're trapped.. like tiny little mice!   
  
Kristin: That's right... Guards, don't hurt them right away. We'll let them think out it for a little first.   
  
[Nancy and Jade run another way]  
  
Kristin: Seize them! Seize them! There they go! Now we've got them. Half o fyou go this way, half of you go that way. Hurry! Hurry!  
  
[to nancy and Jade]  
  
Jade: Now where do we go?  
  
Nancy: This way! Come on! Oh! Back! Ah.. they are here, too!  
  
Kristin: Thought you'd be pretty foxy, didn't you? Well, the last to go will see the other go before her! And your mangy little fish, too! How about a little bitch fun, Nancy? [taps her with a 'Bitch' game]  
  
Nancy: No! No! Help!I'm burning! I'm burning!!!  
  
Jade: I have an idea! [she throws herself on Kristin] Ahh! Why isn't it working! [she steps back] She hates me, so I thought I might kill her by the touch...  
  
Nancy: She hates Pokemon... throws the fish!   
  
Jade: Ok! [throws] Ahh! Magikarp, return!   
  
[at an attempt to stab the fish, the guard stab kristin multiple times instead]  
  
Nancy: [giggles] She's bleeding from the mouth.  
  
Guard: She's dead. We've killed her!  
  
Jade: I didn't mean to make you kill her, really I didn't. It's just that... well, it was pretty cool.  
  
Guard: Hail to Jade! The Wicked Bitch is dead!  
  
Jade: The keyboard... maye we have it?  
  
Guard: [picks up a keyboard from the bloody mess] Here... she always keeps a piece of computer with her. Take it.  
  
Jade: Oh, thank you so much! Now we can get back to Tito and tell him the Wicked Bitch is dead!


	15. Chapter Fifteen- There's No Place Like H...

[Jade and Nancy have returned to Tito]  
  
Tito: Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?  
  
Jade: Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We've brought you the keyboard of the Wicked Bitch of the West. He had her stabbed!  
  
Tito: Oh, you blodded her, eh? Very resourceful...  
  
Jade: Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us, if you please, sir.  
  
Tito: Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow!  
  
Jade: Tomorrow?! Oh, but I want to go home now!  
  
Nancy: You've have plenty of time already!  
  
Tito: Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful! I said come back tomorrow!  
  
Jade: If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises! You're a very bad man!  
  
Tito: Do you presume to criticize Tito? You ungreatful creatures! But hey, now... weren't there four of you?  
  
Jade: Oh, yes. But you see, sir, two of us have died in your all mighty quest.  
  
Tito: Died, eh? Oh, boy. Hold on, now.... ok. Proceed to go on to behind that curtain.  
  
Jade: [skips to the curtain and pulls it open] Oh! Ash! Misty! My great friends! I've missed you so, so much! Thank you, sir! Thank you so much! Now, if you please... I'd like to go home!  
  
Tito: To Atlas? Oi.. Here! [he tosses a big black bag at the group] You'll find what you need right there.   
  
Ash: A movie camera? What's this?   
  
Tito: Why, anybody can have porno magazine. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth, or slinks through the smily seas can get a porno! Back where I come from, they have these things called movie sets. They shot many many great films there in my day, and animated stories of the best of adventures. When people come out, they are very famous, indeed. But of course, they have one think you havn't got- a tendancy to write pornography! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Pornographic Movies Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer you the honorary rank of Porn Star!  
  
Ash: Porn Star?  
  
Tito: the star of all that is pornographic!  
  
Ash: Oh joy! Rapture! I've got it all! How can I ever thank you enough?  
  
Tito: Well, you can't! As for you, my fine friend, you are a victim of insomnia. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run around screaming your head off, you can't seem to find a time to sleep! You are confusing drowsiness with tiredness, two very different things. Back where I come from, we have men and women who are called Test Subjects. Once a week they go into a lab and go to sleep and have tests done on them, and have the confidence that later next week, they can find a time to sleep even more, and they have no more tendancy to sleep than you have. But they have one thing you havn't got- Pepcid AC! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary wakeness, and conspicuous alertness against evil bitches, I give you a Pharmacy. You are now a member of the Highly Illegal Docktours Legion of Sleeplessness!  
  
Misty: Aw, shucks, folks! I'm speechless!  
  
Tito: As for you, my horny sex obsessive friend, you want me! Well, you don't know how lucky you are not to have me. I could never be practical until I can make you hurt.  
  
Nancy: Um... I still want you.  
  
Tito: Back where I come from, there were woman, and men at that, who would throw themselves drooling over me. I can't say they didn't have any good reason not to, but you have no idea how it changed me. I can appear like I'd be super good in bed, and I'm not saying I'm not, but I'll always have a place to be and a time to be there, so I wouldn't be able to stick around. But these people, that we called disoriented, have one thing that you havn't got- a cardboard cut out of me! Therefor, in consideration of your obsession and intentions, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of my affection and flatteredness. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a person is not judged my how much love they give, or the size of their hoohas, but by how much you are loved my others.  
  
Nancy: Oh, thank you so much! But... not even one round?  
  
Tito: No.  
  
Ash: Look at my camera!   
  
Misty: I got pills!  
  
Jade: Oh, they are all wonderful.  
  
Nancy: Hey, what about Jade?  
  
Ash: Yeah! How about Jade?  
  
Nancy: Jade next!  
  
Jade: Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.  
  
Tito: Well, you force me into a cataclysmic decision. They only way to get Jade back to Atlas is for me to take her there myself!  
  
Jade: Oh! Will you? Could you? Oh! Oh... but are you a clever enough man to manage it?  
  
Tito: Child, you cut me to the quick! I am a young Atlas man myself, born and bred, in the heart of the western wilderness, premier of Carnical Company. Only, one day while performing spectacular feats, unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair.  
  
Jade: Oh my! Weren't you frightened?  
  
Tito: Frightened? You are talking to one who was laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, chuckled at catastrophe! I was petrifried! Then suddenly, the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this rioting city, where I was instantaneously acclaimed Tito, the first of the Great and Powerful.  
  
Jade: Oh!  
  
Tito: Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the adventof a quick get-away! And in that balloon, my jollified Jade, you and I would have returned to the Land of E Pluribus Unum!  
  
Jade: W_ould_ have?  
  
Tito: Yes, my dear. You see, about a week ago, I tried to make my great escape, but the bottom of my basket was soiled, and I fell through as my balloon drifted off into nothing.  
  
Jade: Then how do you suggest I get home?   
  
Tito: As I said before, everything you need would have been found in that black bag!  
  
Jade: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe it is empty!  
  
Tito: But of course! Would you rather take yourself in this bag to Atlas full up with this and that?  
  
Jade: Come again..?  
  
Tito: With this bag, you can hop around and no matter where you go, you'll end up in your hearts desire. Your home!  
  
Jade: How long do you speculate I'll be hopping?  
  
Tito: You'll hop just enough!  
  
Jade: But how long?  
  
Tito: Long enough, my dear.  
  
Nancy: Look! It's the wise Celie!  
  
Celie: Just what do you think you're doing to these kids?  
  
Tito: Celie! I didn't think I'd ever have to see your face again!  
  
Celie: Jade! Have your friends throw all of their items into the bag! Hurry!  
  
Jade: Um... I guess do what she said.  
  
Celie: Now! throw it at Tito!  
  
Tito: Wha- no! [the bag lands on him and all of the items start to explode]  
  
Jade: Wow. But Celie... can you help me get back to Atlas?  
  
Celie: Oh, Jade. You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had to power to get back to Atlas.  
  
Jade: I have?  
  
Nancy: Then why didn't you tell her before?  
  
Celie: Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds?  
  
Jade: Oh! Magikarp, too?  
  
Celie: Actually... here's the thing. Please crack open the left Pikachu head on your slipper.  
  
Jade: [she crack it open] Oh my frick! It's a Masterball!  
  
Celie: That's right. That will help you get home, but you have no choice but to leave Magikarp here... in Seattle.  
  
Jade: Like I care? I've got a master ball!  
  
Celie: Give me the Masterball. I will take you to your home.   
  
Jade: All right. [she offers the masterball to Celie]  
  
Celie: Thank you, child. [she takes it]  
  
Jade: Oh dear. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye. I love you all! Goodbye, Misty! I know you never got your chance to sleep, but just remember the wise words of Tito and I'm sure you'll do just fine.  
  
Nancy: Thanks, Jade. I'll never forget you. I don't ever remembered being given an animated heart, but I know I've got one because it's breaking.  
  
Jade: Oh, goodbye, Ash! You gave us quite a scare when you died in the Puget Sound. I'm gonna miss all of those gay things you did... and your petite anorexic body.  
  
Ash: I don't think I would have found my true happiness in gay men if it haven't had been for you.  
  
Jade: I think I'm gonna miss you most off all. I probably never would have made it through this crazy world without you.  
  
Nancy: Yeah... we've been through some crazy times, eh? Oh, don't cry.  
  
Jade: Well you started it! [they share a giggle]  
  
Nancy: It's going to be so hard to go on without you.  
  
Jade: Yeah... [she brushes the hair away from Nancy's face] I know. [they start going at it madly]  
  
Ash: Oh boy! I think I'm changing again!  
  
Celie: You two stop that! [she drags Jade over to the stage as Ash holds back Nancy] Are you ready to go now?  
  
Jade: I think so. Bye Magikarp! Bye everyone. I'll never forget-  
  
Celie: There we go [she zaps Jade into the Masterball] Here. [she opens the ball] Look! There's Jade at her house!   
  
Jade: What the frolic! AH!!!  
  
Celie: Let's give her the sky. [she closes the Pokeball, and the sky returns to the land of Atlas]  
  
Nancy: Know what I just noticed?  
  
Celie: What's that?  
  
Nancy: Didn't we live in the same city as Jade?  
  
Celie: Oh, shit...  
  
[Jade is running through her house]  
  
Jade: Mommy! Mom! I'm home!  
  
Mommy: Oh, Jade! [they hug] Let's get you to bed.  
  
Jade: What did you do to my room? And my clothes... and everything?!  
  
Mommy: Oh, we had them all painted shades of black and white. We didn't know when you'd come back.  
  
Jade: WA! [faints]  
  
[Jade wakes up]  
  
Mommy: Wake up, honey. Jade.. Jade.. JADE! Dear, it's your mommy, darling!  
  
Jade: Oh, hi mommy.  
  
Nancy: [leaning in the window holding pokemon dolls] Jade! Want to play Pokemon?  
  
Celie: [running through the doors] Let's play with pokemon cards!  
  
Kristin: [running around] I don't want any part of it!  
  
Tito: [walking out of Jades closet] Hello, there.  
  
Jade: you... you all! You were in my dream!  
  
Celie: What dream?  
  
Jade: Oh, it was a wonderful, beautiful dream! We were all in a Pokemon world and Seattle...  
  
Nancy: That really happened.  
  
Jade: Then why didn't Tito die?  
  
Tito: I'm not gonna die in my own story, Jade. Psh!  
  
Jade: Oh... yeah. That makes sense.  
  
Mommy: It's good to have you back!  
  
Jade: But wait... too much of this story was freakishly non realistic to be real.  
  
Mommy: We don't live in the real world anymore, Jade.  
  
Jade: Oh?  
  
Mommy: No! We are all a part of Tito's imagination now!  
  
Jade: Oh... but anyways, we're home! Home! And this is my room- and you're all here! And I'm not going to leave here, ever, ever again, because I love you all!   
  
Mommy: Ohhh wait a minute! You're going to college, Missy!  
  
Jade: I don't care! Oh, Mommy! There's no place like home!


End file.
